The perfect ending..

..would be to die tomorrow. Hit by a speeding truck and die instantly. Chen Yan, please use the Deathnote.

I'm a fucking pathetic loser. I feel so lost without two very important people in my life. I guess I never realised what fucking huge impacts you both made until you both started slipping away.
I'm so sick of crying. I'm sick of crying when I sit at my computer. I'm sick of crying every morning before I sleep. I'm sick of having to go to the toilet whilst I'm out when I feel like I need to cry. I'm sick of everything, I'm sick of feeling like shit, the lowest of the low, I'm so far jaded I don't know if I can ever get back to where I was.
I'm crying now fuck.
I'm too weak, I'm really tired and I'm too pathetic to go on.
I can't even begin to describe myself now. I have many words, but none totally capture it. All these lines fall short of what I'm trying to say.
A failed attempt to capsulize this feeling indeed.
School's starting next week, I have tests on subjects that I know absolutely (take my word for it) NOTHING about, and I can't even attempt to study cause I can't concentrate. I have multiple deadlines looming and I forsee failing modules.
I'm trying, trying so hard to hang on.
Please don't let it be for nothing.

I can't hold on for much longer.